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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Role model confident social behavior.

 Children learn by watching the people around them. Parents that means you! With time, your ability to approach others and put them at ease can help to put your child at ease, too.


Do . . .

• Go first in social situations. Be the first person to say "Hi," to introduce yourself or to strike up conversations.

• Make a list of the kinds of things you would like your child to feel comfortable doing (e.g., talking with other children, asking for help from store clerks, making phone calls, etc) and make a point of doing these things in front of your child.

• Be friendly. Routinely smile, say high and greet the people you see as you go through your day.

• Compliment others often. Notice what you like about people (friends, family and strangers alike). Tell a stranger you like their hat or a friend how wonderful their dinner was.

• Make an effort to help other people when you see they are in need. Open doors for people, pick things up when people drop them or offer to carry things for friends.

• Role model taking risks and learning from them. Help your children learn by making positive comments about how you felt while you did things. Things like: "I thought that would be harder than it was." "That wasn't much fun, but I'm glad I did it and got it out of the way. At least now I don't have to worry about it." Or, "That didn't go as well as I thought it would, but at least I know what to do next time."

• Enroll in social skills classes and let your children know that you're going. Bring back the things you learn from class and share them with your family and friends. I routinely encourage parents (shy or not) who take my social skills classes to practice their new found handshake, conversation and introduction skills with their children, friends and family. Don't be surprised if your new skills make great party conversation, too. Most people struggle with social skills and are eager learn what you know so they can try it out themselves. Show your children that learning new skills from a class is a good thing.

Don't . . .

• Cross the street to avoid people you are too nervous to see.

• Embarrass your child in public.

• Criticize people in public.

• Berate yourself for having failed when you try things and they don't turn out the way you would like.

• Berate your children when they make a mistake.

But what if you're shy yourself? And there's a good chance you are--an almost 50/50 chance. Given that nearly 50% of adults in the United States are believed to be shy, it stands to reason that nearly 50% of children have at least one shy parent and somewhere in the neighborhood of 25% of children have two shy parents. It's hard to role model socially confident behavior for your children when you're struggling with shyness yourself. All you can do is your best.

• Start by modeling little things for your children like opening doors for other people when you go to the store or into restaurants.

• Take advantage of opportunities to practice being assertive in front of your children by asking how much longer it will be before you're seated at restaurants or asking sales clerks how an appliance works.

• Make an extra effort to practice social skills with your children at home . There's a good chance that teaching handshakes, introductions and conversation skills to your children will enhance your skills as well.

Fortunately, role modeling social skills for your children--even if they're in the privacy of your own home--can help your child improve his/her social skills and is likely to improve yours, as well.

Teach social skills early. When it comes to social skills, the earlier you begin teaching them the better. The prevalence of shyness among children is believed to increase with age---from roughly 20% of children in grade school to 50% of children by the time they reach adolescence. Why not give your child a head start by teaching the kinds of social skills that can stack the cards in their favor?

• Arrange play dates for your children when they are young and seek out safe places for your children to interact with others and practice social skills as they get older (e.g., volunteer work, tutoring younger children, clubs and other structured activities with supportive group leaders).

• Teach your children how to enter and exit groups and how to read other people's signals (see Recommended Readings for books on how to do this).

• Help your children understand what it takes to make and keep a good friend. I particularly like the book How Kids Make Friends . . . Secrets For Making Lots of Friends No Matter How Shy You Are. While written for children, most adults could benefit from this book, as well. It's not that we don't know the material, it's just that we get so busy it's easy to forget to use it.

• Practice social skills at home. Buy an etiquette book and schedule an etiquette day once a week/month/quarterly (whatever works for you) during which you practice social skills as a family---from setting the table and the proper use of tableware to saying hello, shaking hands and introducing family members to one another. Practice smiling for a day, complimenting each other for a day or shaking each other's hands each time you greet each other for a day. Make learning social skills a natural part of your life so that your children don't feel funny taking classes and asking questions as they grow up.

• Make a game of practicing social skills outside your home. Give family members points for saying "hello" to service people, shaking hands when they meet people and taking turns asking store clerks for help. Make a list of target behaviors you want to practice before you

Monday, December 27, 2010

5 secrets to making him love you

Know a woman who always seems to be in perfect sync with the guy she is dating — they laugh at each other’s jokes, are considerate of one another’s feelings, and are devotedly in love (and best friends to boot)? Well, the reason this gal’s so lucky in love is pretty simple: It’s because she treats her guy right, and he can’t get enough of her company. Now, when I say she “treats her guy right,” what do I mean? She treats him like a friend, giving him the same five-star support, understanding, and (yes) slack we automatically extend to our girlfriends. If you want to reap the same benefits in your own love life, try some of these tips, and, trust me, you’ll notice a difference.



1. Share an activity

For women, it’s second nature to invite their girlfriends along for a shopping spree, yoga class, spa day, you name it. But activity-based bonding shouldn’t be relegated to females only. Guys love jawing over a shared pursuit, and while he might not be up for a mani/pedi (nor you for a day spent watching basketball), there are plenty of other options. Becoming gym buddies is a no-brainer (and can serve as that extra kick-in-the-butt you need to go more often!), or if you two usually dine out on a Saturday night, consider delving into a cook book and taking a crack at a recipe that’s a bit of a challenge, like duck terrine with glazed shallots. Whether it turns out terrific or so odd that you end up ordering takeout, the fact that you’ve worked toward a common goal together builds team spirit. And by investing in a history of shared experiences with your partner in crime, you’ll increase the things you have in common and experience a deeper bond.

2. Cheer him on

Women take great pains to make their girlfriends feel great about themselves, showering them with ego-boosters like, “You look amazing; that is the best color on you” or “Of course, you should email that guy — he’d be lucky to have you!” And while we might think the world of the men we date and even brag about them to our friends and family members, telling him these things doesn’t always occur to us. Maybe it’s because we assume guys possess impenetrable egos — but the truth is, they can be just as insecure as your female friends and would probably appreciate a compliment now and then. So, if he just got a promotion at work, toast him at dinner and tell him exactly why he deserved it. Or try a simple off-the-cuff statement, such as: “You look so good in that shirt — it really brings out the color in your eyes.” Don’t be surprised if he suddenly seems to be around a whole lot more often, basking in your presence.



3. Let him be himself

Most women find it hard to love guys just the way they are. We want to change their hair, their clothes, their job, and sometimes even their friends to fit our ideal. With our own pals, we’re more accepting of their differences; we can actually be proud to have a technology nerd, yoga snob or fashion slave as part of our collection of confidantes. Ruthanna Hall, a sales associate in New York, has learned to relax and appreciate distinctly male behaviors (with great results) in her own relationship. “When we go out, I might feel more like a cool lounge uptown, but then all he’ll want is a round of darts at the neighborhood dive,” she explains. Rather than sulk all evening about his lack of class, she’ll focus in on the funny conversation they’re having. “Sure, most guys do things that cause girls to go ‘uggghhh!’ But that’s just the way they are,” she says. “Why not get on with it and have fun?”



4. Tell him what you think

We don’t expect our best friends to always know what we’re thinking. In fact, we actually enjoy swapping our thoughts, hopes, and fears — that’s most of the fun! But why, then, are we so disappointed when our boyfriends don’t exhibit mind-reading tendencies 24/7? We’ve all been guilty of harboring romantic notions like, “If he’s been listening to me, he’ll know exactly where to take me for dinner on Valentine’s Day” or “If he were truly paying attention right now, he’d know I’m freaking out about this virus on my computer and offer to come over and help.” But trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of disappointment by just telling him where you want to dine out on Valentine’s Day, or by asking him to come over with his anti-virus software. After all, it’s common knowledge that two heads are better than one, so just because you’ve decided he’s The One, don’t go mum and add major guesswork to your communications.



5. Give him his space

Sometimes, girlfriends just go MIA for awhile. They get so busy at work that they don’t return your emails. Do we give them flack for it? Nothing serious. But for some reason, the rules change for guys: We rail on them for not promptly returning phone calls, take offense if they want a guy’s night out. But remember, achieving a balance between “me” time and “we” time will make the time you do spend together even better. Bridget Cunningham found her relationship got so much mellower once she stopped stressing about where her boyfriend was every hour. “I don’t hold it against him when he wants to have his own time,” she says. “You don’t cut your friends off when they do things with other people, so why shouldn’t it be the same with the person you love? Meanwhile I’m free to go running off with my girlfriend and blab about girl stuff. We meet afterwards for coffee, and we’re both feeling refreshed and fulfilled by spending time apart…and that much happier to be spending time together again.”

Sunday, December 26, 2010

4 tips for spicing up date night

When love is new, it’s hard to imagine that it ever won’t be — that a time might come when the question, “What do you want to do tonight?” could be met with a stare of boredom. But the truth is that as electric as your relationship might be in those first initial months, you will inevitably become more comfortable with each other, which is a good thing. That comfortable feeling indicates that a couple has moved into the “attachment” phase of their relationship in which feelings of intimacy and safety deepen. But it’s also the time when couples can slide into thrill-dampening Friday night routines. Falling into the cycle of repetitive “date nights” that play out like old reruns is an easy trap to fall into as a couple. But recent research on how the brain changes when you’re in love suggests that adding novelty to your date nights helps keep both of you feeling the same excitement you did when you first fell for each other.



“When we fall in love, one part of the brain that becomes activated is the area that produces dopamine, a natural stimulant that produces feelings of excitement, craving, motivation and elation,” says Dr. Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love and Chief Scientific Advisor for Chemistry.com. Brain scans of couples that have recently fallen in love show that the reward systems where dopamine is produced are activated. And for new couples, time together is often characterized by intense feelings of joy and excitement. But can these feelings be maintained over the years? Fisher and her colleagues also scanned the brains of happy couples who have been together for over 25 years and discovered that the reward systems of their brains were similarly activated when they were together. So what could newer couples do to make sure their feelings of love and excitement for each other stay fresh over time?



1. Variety, variety, variety

One secret to keeping your love alive may well be adding some variety to your date nights. “Novelty drives up dopamine production in the brain,” says Fisher, “and gives you the same feelings associated with romantic love. In fact, doing any activity that is new, dangerous or exciting will raise the brain’s dopamine levels.” Mixing things up is one of the easiest ways to keep a relationship exciting. So if you’ve got a favorite sushi place, it’s still OK to eat dinner there… just not every Friday night. “It is important to share your favorite places with your partner, but don’t go to the same spots over and over. Choose new things to do — a museum, a picnic, a bike ride to a new part of town,” suggests Fisher. Couples can brainstorm a master list of date night activities together that are new to both people, like tango classes, ice skating, visiting an art gallery or attending a lecture at a local college or library. Even mixing things up in small ways — like taking a new route or making plans with new friends — creates an air of date-night novelty.



2. Take turns planning your date nights

Another way to keep monotony at bay, suggests Fisher, is to take turns planning dates. If one of you always plans the dates, it’s easier to be lulled into a routine. When it’s your turn to plan date night, think of small and big ways to weave the unexpected into your evening. If you normally drive to a restaurant, try walking somewhere closer instead. If you have a standard movie night out, check your local listings for plays and concerts. If staying in and watching rented films is your go-to date, invite friends over to play board games or take turns finding new recipes to cook and enjoy together.



3. Go out without a plan

In the head-spinning start of a relationship, everything feels like an adventure as you discover your new partner’s world — their friends, favorite haunts, most beloved books and movies. Unplanned date nights can help couples foster this attitude of adventure throughout the course of their relationship. “Head out the door without a plan,” says Fisher, “and just see where the evening takes you.” Start by heading to a new neighborhood and taking a stroll, which might lead to dinner in a restaurant neither of you knew existed. Often, our most fun and memorable evenings are born from spontaneous and unexpected choices.



4. Go where no man has been before…or at least, neither of you

It’s only natural to take your new love to all of your favorite places and vice versa. But for at least one of you, these places will be lacking in the novelty associated with dopamine production. After you’ve visited your mutual hangouts, head off to discover fresh locations together. Check out restaurant reviews and try that new Thai place. Hike along on a trail that’s new to both of you. Find a guidebook for your city and read it together, scanning for adventures for you two to embark upon. Remember: keep it new, fresh — and keep the excitement of being in love alive!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

the secrt of success

I saw a TV program about the secret of success . there were two interviewer and an expert in it . a lot of questions were asked from the expert and he answered them very well and the most of his answers were practical . I was tried to match them with my daily actives when I heard his speech how someone can be successful . I do remember two subjects are interesting and useful.


First subject is about having two main parts in our life "task and hobby" that there isn't one of them in our life ,it can cause unsuccessful .this viewpoint is against in ours because we believe that we should work hard and we don't have any waste time for hobby if we want to be successful .

The expert defined them and said " hobby can be everything which you enjoy them such as eating, watching and doing " and he continued " task is every thing that you have to do it for earning money to continue the life "

The interviewer asked him " how long do we have to spend time on hobby or task ? he replied " it is the best case that they cover together "

The interviewer asked " what does it mean? Do you believe that our hobby 'll be our task? He answered " exactly , it 'll happen if you love your job."

"that is incredible " the interviewer

"Yes, I think so , but that is one of our goal in life and we should manage our life to get it "

They discussed and got to second interesting subject and it was about behavior .

He said that someone could be successful who could say "no" and it meaned you could refused any request that it was been useless , so, you could optimize your time and it was the best way to get successful.

By the way . you can follow this program from canals 4 TV

in love

I don't know how I can say you this matter and misery or no. why is it called misery? While God gives it to us only and we can't hide it and we have to confess, although other people want to blame us for it . we should be brave to do it , I think , that is a blessing of God for us and it shows who is faithful . because someone can engages it who has a pure heart .


By the way , have you been in love ? who is that ? are you happy with her? why do you get on with her well? or aren't you ? were you able to continue your relationship?

She is beautiful or responsible or helpful or the having a good family and manner , if your answer is "yes". On the contrary , she was unreliable or ugly or the having a bad family and manner , if your answer is "no ".

How much did her beauty effect your decision?

Certainly , her beauty effected to start you’re your relationship and her behavior has effected to continue it .

I wrote in first paragraph , that is misery, do you know why it is ? I mean "love" not "relationship "

You can ask from old peoples who had an experience about it and you can realize

it's reason or you can be waiting to have an experience about as soon if you are young man . please don't try to do it if you are eld because it causes to defame you, although my classmate believes that it usually happen in forty seconding , I don't know , what about you ?

Hafez said " the worst thing about being in live at eld time is infamy "

Monday, September 13, 2010

Scientists Unravel All Natural Sleep Secret

Scientists Unravel All Natural Sleep Secret

Did you know that people who get enough sleep (about 7-9 hours a night) are more likely to have higher productivity, lead more satisfying lives, and experience less stress? Sleep is crucial for concentration, memory formation, and repairing and rejuvenating the cells of the body. Both mentally and physically, a good night’s sleep is essential for your health.

The Problem



Unfortunately, experts estimate that more than 70 million Americans have persistent trouble falling or staying asleep. If you are one of the millions of people who suffer, you know how frustrating it can be to lie awake in bed at night, tossing and turning.



Finding an effective remedy is difficult. Some sleep aids require a visit to your doctor, dealing with unpleasant side effects, and facing the possibility of becoming dependent on the drugs. Even over-the-counter sleep aids can be habit-forming.

The Solution



In contrast, many sleep aid supplements are safe, natural, and quickly gaining popularity. They typically contain melatonin, a naturally-occurring compound that regulates sleeping cycles and also has value a possible antioxidant. However, you should look for a sleep aid that contains more than melatonin alone. Essential herbal ingredients further promote calming effects leading to quality sleep. There are a variety of sleep supplements available today, but not all brands are equal in quality.

The Benefits of Natural Sleep Supplements

-Fall Asleep Faster

-Stay Asleep Longer

-Wake up Feeling Refreshed and Rejuvenated

-Safe and Effective All Natural Ingredients

-Non-Habit Forming

Introducing Somnapure, our favorite sleep supplement



Our top pick of sleep supplements is Somnapure, a new product from the scientists at Peak Life. Somnapure’s superior formula contains herbal ingredients such as Chamomile and Passionflower, which have a calming effect on the body, in addition to melatonin. This supplement is gentle but effective; it helps you get back into a healthy sleeping routine. Somnapure's unique sleep blend will help you fall asleep easily, sleep through the night, and wake up feeling completely refreshed. Plus, the manufacturer's of Somnapure are so confident in their product's results, that they're offering a risk-free two week trial. Claim a sample now and see for yourself.



If you’re ready to take advantage of all the health benefits that come with a full night of sound, deep sleep, choose Somnapure today. It's the number one choice for a safe and effective sleep aid.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

8 Things You Didn’t Know About Dreams

Everyone dreams—every single night—and yet we tend to know so little about our dreams. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Can we control them and should we try to interpret them? We spoke to the dream experts to bring you nine surprising facts about dreams. Read before snoozing.




1. Dreaming can help you learn.



If you’re studying for a test or trying to learn a new task, you might consider taking a nap or heading to bed early rather than hovering over a textbook an hour longer. Here’s why: When the brain dreams, it helps you learn and solve problems, say researchers at Harvard Medical School. In a study that appeared in a recent issue of Current Biology, researchers report that dreams are the brain’s way of processing, integrating and understanding new information. To improve the quality of your sleep—and your brain’s ability to learn—avoid noise in the bedroom, such as the TV, which may negatively impact the length and quality of dreams.



2. The most common dream? Your spouse is cheating.



If you’ve ever woken up in a cold sweat after dreaming about your husband’s extramarital escapade with your best friend, you’re not alone, says Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a dream expert, author and media personality. “The most commonly reported dream is the one where your mate is cheating,” she says. Loewenberg conducted a survey of more than 5,000 people, and found that the infidelity dream is the nightmare that haunts most people—sometimes on a recurring basis. It rarely has anything to do with an actual affair, she explains, but rather the common and universal fear of being wronged or left alone.



3. You can have several—even a dozen—dreams in one night.



It’s not just one dream per night, but rather dozens of them, say experts—you just may not remember them all. “We dream every 90 minutes throughout the night, with each cycle of dreaming being longer than the previous,” explains Loewenberg. “The first dream of the night is about 5 minutes long and the last dream you have before awakening can be 45 minutes to an hour long.” It is estimated that most people have more than 100,000 dreams in a lifetime.



4. You can linger in a dream after waking.



Have you ever woken up from such a beautiful, perfect dream that you wished you could go back to sleep to soak it all up (you know, the dream about George Clooney?)? You can! Just lie still—don’t move a muscle—and you can remain in a semi-dreamlike state for a few minutes. “The best way to remember your dreams is to simply stay put when you wake up,” says Loewenberg. “Remain in the position you woke up in, because that is the position you were dreaming in. When you move your body, you disconnect yourself from the dream you were just in seconds ago.”



5. Even bizarre dreams can be interpreted.



While it can be hard to believe that an oddball dream about your mother, a circus and a snowstorm can have any bearing on real life, there may be symbolism and potential meaning to be mined in every dream—you just have to look for it, says Harvard-trained psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber. "The meaning of our dreams oftentimes relates to things we are needing to understand about ourselves and the world around us,” he says. Instead of shrugging off strange dreams, think about how they make you feel. “We tend to dismiss these dreams due to the strange components, yet it is the feeling we have in these dreams that matters most,” he explains. “Sometimes the circus and the snowstorm are just fillers that allow us to process the range of emotions we feel about our mother and give us the necessary distraction so we can actually experience that spectrum of emotion.”



6. Recurring dreams may be your mind’s way of telling you something.



Do you have the same nightmare over and over again? Loewenberg suggests looking for underlying messages in recurring dreams so that you can rid yourself of them. For example, a common recurring nightmare people have involves losing or cracking their teeth. For this dream, she recommends that people think about what your teeth and your mouth represent. “To the dreaming mind, your teeth, as well as any part of your mouth, are symbolic of your words,” she says. “Paying attention to your teeth dreams helps you to monitor and improve the way you communicate.”



7. You can control your dreams.



The premise of the new movie Inception is that people can take the reins of their dreams and make them what they want them to be. But it may not just be a Hollywood fantasy. According to the results of a new survey of 3,000 people, dream control, or “lucid dreaming” may be a real thing. In fact, 64.9 percent of participants reported being aware they were dreaming within a dream, and 34 percent said they can sometimes control what happens in their dreams. Taking charge of the content of your dreams isn’t a skill everyone has, but it can be developed, says Kelly Bulkeley, PhD, a dream researcher and visiting scholar at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkley, California. The technique is particularly useful for people who suffer from recurring nightmares, he says. Dr. Bulkeley suggests giving yourself a pep talk of sorts before you go to sleep by saying: “If I have that dream again, I’m going to try to remember that’s it’s only a dream, and be aware of that.” When you learn to be aware that you are dreaming—within a dream—you not only have the power to steer yourself away from the monster and into the arms of Brad Pitt, for instance, but you train your mind to avoid nightmares in the first place. “Lucid dreaming enhances your ability to learn from the dream state,” says Dr. Bulkeley.



8. You don’t have to be asleep to dream.



Turns out, you can dream at your desk at work, in the car, even at your kid’s soccer game. Wakeful dreaming—not to be confused with daydreaming—is real and somewhat easy to do, says Dr. Bulkeley; it just involves tapping into your active imagination. The first step is to think about a recent dream you had (preferably a good one!). “Find a quiet contemplative place and bring a dream that you remember back into your waking awareness and let it unfold,” he says. “Let the dream re-energize.” Wakeful dreaming can be used as a relaxation tool, but Dr. Bulkeley says it can also help your mind process a puzzling dream. “It creates a more fluid interaction between unconscious parts of the mind and wakeful parts of the mind,” he says.